Media That's Made Me Feel Less Alone (1/?)

     Good morning, afternoon, and evening from the bathroom floor. I'm gonna start a series (I know crazy). It's gonna be all about the media that's made me feel a hell of a lot less alone. Luckily, there's a good amount of it. It'll be anywhere from books, to movies, to paintings, and more. Today I need to talk about the movie that quite literally altered my life and I watch at least once a week: The Edge of Seventeen. 

    Here's a little summary (without spoilers) for those of you interested. Nadine is a 17 year old girl whose father passed away when she was younger. He was the only person she really connected with and now she's stuck with her mother, who loves to let her know she doesn't like her. To make matters even better, her older brother is extremely popular and those two do not get along. Eventually her best (and really only) friend begins to date her brother. This throws everything completely out of balance and Nadine's world starts spinning out of control. She'll occasionally vent to her teacher, but he responds with tough love. The story progresses from there. (GO WATCH THE MOVIE) (I screamed when it was on Disney+ because I payed to buy it).

    Nadine is a character of which I heavily resonate in. Having the golden child be your perfect amazing older brother. But the biggest thing that resulted in me seeing myself in her, was when she was drunk out of her mind, on the bathroom floor, her best friend holding her hair back, and she said, "I just had the worst thought. I gotta spend the rest of my life with myself." That's the kind of thought that I've been thinking since I was 11. And to hear that I wasn't crazy, that it was actually not insane to feel that way, I felt a little less alone. Actually a lot. Nadine is surrounded by people who don't understand her, who judge her for her every move and don't take into account how she's impacted by a situation. The portrayal of being a 17 year old girl, with no one to go to, no one who even attempts to understand, is unfortunately, something I resonate deeply with. I think Nadine's relationship with Mr. Bruner (her teacher), is especially relatable for more people than just me. When you have or have had a lack of parental presence, physically or emotionally, you are naturally drawn to adults who you feel can take on that role for you. I believe she especially trusted him because of her loss of her father. He became such a prominent figure in her life, especially as she and her mother began to clash more and more. I think she's such a good characterization of people who struggle with absent families, loneliness, and difficult home lives.

    Overall, The Edge Of Seventeen is literally a masterpiece that in my opinion, captures the essence of being a 17 year old girl. Every single scene has meaning; there's no filler scenes where you sit there and wonder what is happening. It's all meaningful and relatable to some degree. Watch it. 

Dealing with Burnout (1/3)

     Good morning, afternoon, and evening from the bathroom floor. Today's topic of discussion: burnout. As someone who grew up with a valedictorian dad, engineer brother, and a workaholic mother, I know how to push myself. In all aspects of life. In 5th grade I got a B+ in Music and locked myself in the pantry crying. I was sure I was going to be the next great disappointment and vowed to never get a B again. And sure, I've kept that promise throughout high school with a 4.0 unweighted GPA and tons of advanced and college classes. As a result, in the last half of my junior year of high school, I encountered a major burnout. Not only academically, but socially and overall of life in general. How did I get past this you may ask. Well I didn't get past all of it yet, but I've definitely made progress. And I refuse to not give myself credit. Don't forget to give yourself credit too. 

    Academic burnout. The most well known. If you're like me, you let one bad grade define you. Even an 89 is horrifying to look at. I quite literally had my brother send me his high school transcripts so that I could make sure I wouldn't disappoint my parents. My routine looked something like this: Wake up, study, school, go home, homework, study, lay on the floor, sleep. Not the best, right? I was practically digging myself into the ground doing that. When I started working everyday, it got even worse. Every single day was the same and I was exhausted. I was burnt out. How did I get out of that? I gave myself a break. At school a group of medical students came in to talk to us about the pathway. The main thing they preached: work life balance. Yes they worked hard, studied constantly, but they also had time to hang out with friends, and pursue hobbies WHILE being successful academically. For some reason, that sparked something in me. Even when I was drowning in homework, had 4 tests tomorrow, and infinite reasons to be stressed - I made time for myself. I spent more time in the ceramics studio during lunch and before school. I didn't dive into my homework the moment I got home from school or work. I took a moment. I made a snack, got a drink, sat outside, and listened to some music, or watched a video I'd been meaning to, or listened to a podcast I'd begun to enjoy. The academics started to feel a little less heavy. And yes, I did still cry after I got my IB Anthropology score. But I also took a moment. I let myself feel upset about it for under an hour, and I moved on with my life. I was so burnt out, and so miserable, because I wasn't caring about who I wanted to be. I was focused on what I thought I should be. I gave myself a break. I realized my worth wasn't rooted in my academic achievements, it was rooted in me. My morals, my personality, my sense of humor, my passions, and my ideas. 

    Maybe life wasn't so bad after all. Maybe the sheet I had on my wall tracking all my failures wasn't the best for my burn out. It was okay if I wasn't valedictorian, or as smart as my brother, or pushed myself as hard as my mom. That was okay. Because I'm my own person. 

Welcome to Talking from the Bathroom Floor

    Hello and welcome to the bathroom floor. Sit. Get comfortable. Stay a while. I know I do. If you're like me, you spend a lot of time thinking. And much of that thinking is spent on the bathroom floor while you remember that one time you tripped over a backpack in Junior English. Or those girls in middle school that just really did not like you. And you will never know why. Although maybe that's for the best. 

    There's no specific plan for this blog. Well that's a lie. There's a google doc with all my plans. Basically, think of it as half advice, half I'm still thinking about this one time and I'm still upset. You don't have to take any of it serious, but I'm writing what I think I would've liked to know before I experienced what I'm writing about. It'll be a little bit of here, a little bit of there. And don't hesitate to comment requests! I'm always open to ideas. Now to start us off strong, here's some of my favorite songs so you can get an idea of who I am:

• Daughter - Pearl Jam
• Warm Safe Place - Staind
• Counting Blue Cars (Tell Me Your Thoughts on God) - Dishwalla
• Freakin' out - Dexter and the Moonrocks
• You Oughta Know - Alanis Morissette
• High and Dry - Radiohead
• Rhiannon - Fleetwood Mac

    Welcome, and I promise, you'll warm up to the coldness of the bathroom floor.